Why is Wasting Time So Addictive? (Nope, I don’t have the answer either.)

This time lately I have been using to improve my mental health. More recently I have been getting into planting my own little patio gardening and keeping my sourdough starter alive. I have been seeing someone but not dating anyone. I have found myself to be happy alone but also feeling stuck.

I recently got my blood test back to see what is wrong with me? What physical problem could make me so fatigue easily? The answer: Vitamin D. Isn’t everyone a hermit?

I finally have successfully after a year or so of therapy, every 2 weeks transitioned to pretty much closing my case. Transitioned to just venting about my days, and only going to therapy once a month just to talk.

Now that I have a healthier relationship with myself, and finally content with my mental health and have done everything for it. Now I feel stuck and need to get the ball rolling! In every aspect in my life.

At school I have done everything minimally that has been asked of me. I have not gone beyond on the capabilities of challenging myself, pushing myself. The reason being is because my mental health was suffering for so long. Now I am up ready and doing everything I love. I always working on growing my passions. So now I should take my future career in achieving to become a software engineer seriously now? I have set a goal in a year to achieve the most, above and beyond as I can before applying to any jobs. We all know that will take awhile during applying for jobs.

I am happy, I am content with myself… Finally. Now its time to work above what is asked of me outside of class. All while keeping my sourdough starter alive & plants. Little yoga (deep breathing). Waiting for Season 3 of Demon Slayer. Continuing to build a strong relationship with my sister & friends. School. Work. Staying alive, staying alive!!! (deep breathing) In meanwhile of all of this, let the new hobbies ARISE. ^.^

Four months ago if I asked myself if I was happy, I would say no. I ask myself that same question today. Although I cannot completely say I am happy, I am very hopeful. I am hopeful for many simple things. I do not feel sad or regretful of the things I have experienced, but instead will use it to form a better future. Some good, some bad, some content, but most of all never living in the past and live in the present.

There are many things I cannot say, but I can say this for a fact. If I died today, I did not die happy. There is much more to experience, more to be, more to see, and more to love. I have always been such a sensitive type of person, and I don’t wish to change that. When I love, I love hard. The memory is how I felt when I remember.

I know I am not alone, this past year I have grown closer with my family & friends.. although few… it is a lot of work, which is a good thing haha.

I just hope to have some luck, be in the right place at the right time to find the significant other. Growing up money was tight but it was always the simple things for me. Although I did not have much time or communication with my dad, he showed me acts of love by thinking of me by picking up a snack for me before he picked me up from school. Or when it was pouring rain and although there was room for him under the umbrella. He advised me I was the priority to be dry, he walked away in the rain. He sheltered me, and drove me to school. He made sure I was fed by cooking meals on time for me. and days he was too sick, he made sure I got something really good to eat to distract probably the pain he was feeling from cancer. When I think about it now, it would be easy for him to leave. My sisters were grown with a 11+ year age gap from me them being legal, my mom was not mentally there & they were not in love. He went away on weekends with someone he actually probably did love as long as I can remember. But he ALWAYS came back to take me to school and be home on school nights for me. He could of left me with my sisters and mom but he left as a memorable dad, who joined my sister & mom. Another angel who I lost 3 years ago my friend who has finally met my parents.

Just a lot of feelings….

I learned to enjoy time myself by eating at restaurants by myself, doing activities, and I am not afraid to attempt them alone because more knowledge the better.

I lived half my life without parents, emotionally raising myself. Having a disadvantaged childhood with a mentally ill mother, poverty. I somehow turned out decent…. Then I think about the many hoops I have to jump through still, and I feel like I aged 5 years more than I am already.

Anyway it is a lot for me right now & I am going to stuff my face in a Marie Calendars Pie. ❤

It is funny because whenever I come back to this, it has always been awhile. Then again I am not sure when I will update this. Lately I have been busy balancing school, work, managing my home, dog & cat, and putting effort into my family & friends!

I have been enjoying my time alone, time flies! It has been almost 8 months since I have been single! At first of course in the beginning I was heartbroken but now I have learned to enjoy my time alone! It has made me closer with family and friends, also Odin and Holo! My mental health has improved significantly. Some days are harder than others but usually I just treat myself out to eat! I found I don’t mind eating out alone! I enjoy my time alone!

Dating life has not been going so well or at least what I wanted. This is the longest I have been single since I was 18 years old & I have always been in long term relationships. Since then I have always wanted to be engaged & to get married(you know the path that everyone wants). I have been finding that path may not be for me or even maybe… not what I want anymore. On the end of the dating note, I don’t think I will really partake in it further. It is like…say… the inputs are always the same but expecting a different outcome. That is ridiculous.

Anyhoo, I just turned 25 years old and I believe this year will be different 🙂 My heart is filled with my goals, family & friends!

Also, I don’t think I will be continuing this blog, I have been busy. Best wishes! ^.^

Odin & I Have Grown Together :)

These days I haven’t been up to much. If anything I’ve had time for myself to think and reflect. What has changed since I’ve been here last is I am single for couple months, haha. For the past 8 years I have been in two long term relationships, and since then have not spent a holiday alone. Its been a few months now, and I would be lying if I said I was okay. At first it was really hard to adjust to living alone, being alone, and just having time for myself. At first it was super hard, there were days I would not get up from bed till the sun had set. I would be lying if I said I still didn’t have those days… Not so often now. At first I wasn’t patience and I wanted to fall in love really fast, but dating is hard… Most often my heart got broken, and with a lot of realization I found myself at the same place. Lost, lost that I failed to have the other person love me back.

Its been a few months of dating, and although I have not gotten the hang of it. Although feelings were not mutual, its okay. I learned to love myself, and accept myself. I learned with this time alone, it has made me stronger. I actually have spent more time with my 80lb dog Odin who is now one and a half years old, we love to go to the dog park in the middle of the night. I chase him around and he chases me around. We spend a lot of time together and I think he LOVES me single!

I have learned a few things these past months, and some are…

Love happens when you least expect it. Love is kind. Love is patience. Love has no bounds. Love is effort. Love is communication. There are many yet to discover with the right person. ^.^

To get my stress and anxiety out, I still am taking my dog Odin to the dog park. I am still training him because he is kind of stupid and has endless amounts of energy. I am going to my local hiking trail more often and I have gotten an e bike to ride around town, and soon looking for a hybrid/or road bike for my next one! 🙂 Learning to love yourself is to enrich your life with more, because life is too short to have regrets.

Till Next Time ^.^ Whenever!

Odin my Great Pyrenees Age: 4 months – ish

Let me begin with I never thought of myself of a dog person, I mean my first “pet” who I believe is family is my Tabby cat Holo. I had gotten him about a little more than 2 years ago (this year he will be 3 years old). It was my first time living alone and I was this dork who had a personality of a cat anyway! I fell in love with Holo and have been so happy with him, cats are very independent. I don’t love him any less, he helps me kill all the bugs in the house and protects me by alerting me someone is at the door! (More than my puppy ever will HAHA).

Anyway looking for Odin breed was a journey because they are not many sites that would lead you to this speicifc breed and if so it would be out of state. Cragslist had old postings, they would be mixed, or a number of other things. Now I do not know if Odin is mixed, and I think he is but he showing a lot of Pyr. and I saw his parents showing full Pyr but you just never know! I actually found a Facebook Group and got in contact with a breeder who was expecting puppies in May, and so I waited awhile.. a few weeks until they came out! Odin was a all white Pyr and the fattest of all! I picked him, and 8 weeks later I picked him up in California!

8 weeks to now… I am now a morning person, not by choice! He will hear my footsteps and bark for me, and not just the morning even at the middle of night! I don’t mind because he knows that I am his mom HAHA. He just gotten finished with his shots about two weeks ago (age:16 weeks). I was very strict in avoiding parvo, because puppies need all their shots before you can take them out to anywhere! I haven’t gotten to take him out for a walk everyday due to the excessive heat over 80 degree at 8am, and now the fire with the air quality! I cannot wait till this clears up more because he loves to run! (I have to slow him down with running due to can be growth issues with this breed). He is about 18 weeks and hes 45ish pounds! He is a absolute bugger when I eat my meals, but he is so smart! He has been crate trained since day 1, he does well in the crate and finds it his little space. He has not had a potty accident in 2 weeks, he knows to scratch the door to go outside haha. He knows the commands sit, paw, other paw, and we are currently working on wait. He learned to bark at me at month 3, and not protect the home because he hasn’t barked at anything, anyone, or any other dog yet! He a big ball of fluff and I keep him cool as much as possible due to his developing double coat in this California heat! Yes, he is a inside doggo and will always be! ❤ He is my little one and Holos brother, and has blessed me to be a dog mom. At time it can be hard, but hes all worth it! In upcoming weeks I hope to dabble back into photography and take amazing pictures for memories to capture memories of us!

Yippy! On that Update, Here we are!

Firstly off I am clear of the covid virus! Tested negative! Which I am super happy about! Another thing is well last Sunday I had picked up…. (drum roll).. a new family member! A puppy! He is all Great Pyrenees, and his name is Odin! His name is inspired by mythology of Gods, because Odin is going to be a big buddy! 🙂 When you think of Odin the name brings powerful sense, and a brave leader which I think his breed holds well. There will be another whole post just about him! His brother Holo and him are not getting along so much, but I am sure Holo will warm up! He is such a sweet boy! I am a dog and cat mom and I love them both! This is a very new adjustment in my life, I have to watch him every second and give him A LOT of play time. I’d say he is a troublemaker, but a cute one! I cannot wait till all his Parvo shots are done so I can take him everywhere with me! Sidenote: My sister Tray (his aunty) saw him today and thought he was so cute, and is in love with him too! He won’t be this small (7 weeks) for long! Tomorrow I have so much to do! I am taking this guy to the vet, lots of errands and paperwork, and a full day of homework! I do work part time and that takes some time out of my week as well. I am having mid terms this week for my three summer classes, so school work is priority! I signed up for my last semester at junior college at fall then time apply for my transfer! Most likely to a university! In the area? I am not sure but may be in the Bay area!? Anywhere I may be my family will be with me Holo and Odin! & who knows who else 😛 ❤

Love Holo, Odin, & me! Nighty!

First Post Here :P

Hello World! (This is a funny way to start off because this is the first line everyone writes in whatever coding language you choose! It always brings a smile to my face). Yes! This is my blog, as cheesy it may be! I will be honest… I have started one up before without a main focus, and most likely this one may be the same way 😛 maybe not so serious, because WHO is reading this?! This is a cheesy hobby, but its mine! Maybe a way to keep tabs on myself, and my life to look back at?! Journalish like?! (There is A LOT of MAYBES in this, but oh wells! Gotta have some quirks!)

Side note: I signed up for summer registration today and excited for new classes! By winter I will be done with junior college, and be able to transfer wherever I am accepted! Time during junior college has been so quick, actually I am surprised I will be able to transfer with a completion of a year and a half. After, another 2 or 3 years (depending how fast I go) to my degree 🙂 (I say I had a lot of setbacks, is why I started so late. Numbers of things!!!). Better have of done then to never have done and live with regret. Although I may not be going as the same pace as others, I have kept my peace with that as we all go at different speeds as we all do not start and end at the same line career wise as there is factor that go into it.

Anyway signing off! Over and out!